I am afraid of the ocean. And I admire and love it. I respect it very much. It`s so powerful. Its endless. There is this limitlessness. We can loose ourselves in the endlessness of the ocean.
I have been staying at an amazing place on Samos, right by the ocean. When you have the luxury to go to your favourite snorkeling spot for your lunch break, within 5 minutes from your house, you really can indulge in the beauty of it, its such a gift.
Every time I go into the water again, there is a moment, where I have to collect myself. When I`m snorkeling I don`t always realize, how far I am out in the ocean. And once I realize, I have to take a moment. Maybe, that`s because I almost drowned, when I was a kid… The big guy fishing me out back then, had no problem standing on the ocean ground and just took me under one arm and walked out with me. Well, I was very little back then. I actually had reached a point, where I knew I had lost control, where I couldn`t reach the ocean ground anymore, where the waves were stronger than me, sweeping me further and further out. It took me a moment to realize, that it might be a good idea to shout for help. It was odd. Things went very slowly then. My brain started to discuss first, if this would be a good moment to scream or not, if it rationally makes sense…I did scream. Help came. I don`t think before that time, I had ever thought twice about going into the ocean. I loved the water. And I still do.
Now, when I find myself out there, quiet far from the beach, no other people, a lot of thoughts come in. The first one is “are there any sharks?” I know, not very likely. Its irrational. The next one is “can I still swim back, without struggle, or is the ocean too strong?” much more rational… I go through a moment of letting those thoughts go. Starting to let go, starting to surrender. Starting to be ok to just be and float. To drop control. I go through this process. Every. Single. Time.
When I do let go, things around me change. Everything feels lighter. There is such an endlessness. No limitations. I see fish, that I haven`t seen before. Beautiful colorful fish, and corals. A completely different world by itself. Today I saw a starfish. And then an octopus. So beautiful. I ended up in a cloud of little fish, that all seemed to hang still in the water. Amazing. These little creatures know how to just be in stillness so naturally. They are completely aware of everything going on around them. They are very aware of each other. It seems they are somehow connected to each other. They move in groups. And when they sense me moving a bit more strongly, the whole group swims away.
Coming out of the water, I start thinking. Can I find that letting go outside of the water? That complete drop of control? I am happy in the ocean. But why do I need to go through that process of dropping my fears every single time again.
We grow. With every time we drop a bit more control, we grow. Maybe without it, we would stop growing? Maybe the fear even helps to push a bit further each time? And it certainly does keep us safe as well. But maybe it also helps us to grow? We can take a break. A moment, when we rest in safety. And that moment might be a few minutes, days, years or lifetimes. But eventually we are hungry to grow, to change. Constant change. Constant movement. That is life.
Easiest for me it is, when someone is with me in the ocean. I feel safe. I can let go much easier. We are all together here. If we can support each other on our journey, it is so much easier. When we most need help, when we need someone to be there with us, it often is the hardest to ask for help. And it often takes practice, asking. If we can be aware, open to our surroundings, open to others, we can be there for each other. Like those little fish. Sensing. Complete awareness. That`s all there is for them. That`s, how they survive. Being completely connected, completely aware and still. Listening. Listening to each other and to their surroundings…. That`s what a lot of us are looking for I think. The Awareness. The Stillness. The Simplicity.