What is surrender?
It is letting go. It is trusting. We are always supported by the universe, always. It doesn`t always seem that way. We might not see it at first. We might fight it and struggle through it. But once we look at it with a little distance, it becomes more clear.
I will share my recent experience of surrender with you:
I am leaving the city of Kalamata. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I am trying to understand why. I have been traveling for the last two and half years. I have been rarely anywhere longer than a couple months. I don’t get very emotional about the leaving part. I am usually excited about going somewhere else. And I am now as well. The city of Kalamata was a bit much for me, I do prefer nature, so yes I am quiet excited to leave. But something else is there as well. A lot happened in this city for me in a very short time. The day I arrived I had to face the fact, that I had to deal with intestinal parasites. So, what exactly do I eat on that parasite cleanse? Herbs, medications? Oje…The apartment I was staying at turned out to have bedbugs, if you ever had to deal with them, you know the nightmare, that you will need to face. I ended up throwing out a lot of my things, since I don’t own very much, it gets into interesting territory. I always say my suitcase is my home…after throwing that out…hm…my plastic bags are my home? No worries, I got a new suitcase by now.
Getting rid of attachments… Clearing everything internally and externally… I can look at it now that way. While in the midst of it, it certainly was a lot harder. And those are just a few things, that happened. In this place so much weird stuff happened in such a short time, that I got nervous touching anything after a while… now it is almost comical, not so much at the time…
Some of you might know, that I had been dealing with quiet a few injuries for years. I’ve been ok. But I haven’t done much movement in a long time. Here in this city, that I so wanted to get out of, I found a beautiful soul, a yoga person, who was helping me connecting to my body again. Its been years, since I dared to participate in any yoga classes. Now, within a few weeks of taking those classes here, my body started feeling very different. Two days before I was leaving, we worked on heart opening. I was in tears by the end of class. My body has been holding on in fear, protecting for so long. Its been longing for this opening, but not knowing how. And I have worked on my heart opening and also on the injuries so many times.
Sometimes the right time and the right circumstances need to come together. Clearing my body internally. Letting go of even more attachments. Surrender. Opening the physical body. It all goes together. I don’t think there are accidents. I think, when we are ready the universe will provide exactly what we need. It might not be what we want or what we expect it to look like, but its always perfect. With all the madness, I was provided with everything I needed: Plenty of access to pharmacies and doctors, access to wide variety of food for my cleanse (traveling with a special diet can be interesting…), a washing machine to clean everything of the bugs, a lovely soul, helping me open my system in those yoga classes, and so much more. None of that would have been accessible in most of the other places I stayed before….
There was so much support, oddly, and it was perfect, oddly. Yet it was very challenging. The easiest and also the hardest to do was to trust and surrender. And I`m really good at fighting it. Really good! But its like a practice, every time I can let go a bit further, I can surrender a bit deeper. And, you know, I think we are always supported, even if it doesn`t seem that way. Trust can be so hard, but its such an important part in life. Trust and surrender…Isn`t that what it is always about? You say Love. Yes. The surrender into this big ocean of Love.